Where the husband?

Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!"

"I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there."

The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is."

"Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!"

"Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."


Men/Women Jokes

Vin Diesel

Full Biography
An overnight action film sensation who intrigued audiences when he seemingly emerged from nowhere in the summer of 2001, Vin Diesel actually made his first mark on the movie business as a filmmaker. His first two independent films screened at the Cannes and Sundance Film Festivals after which the hulking, clean-shaven actor was snapped up by Hollywood and transformed into a movie star with high-octane hits “The Fast and the Furious” (2001) and “XXX” (2002). Diesel went on to receive decent reviews for his dramatic performance in “Find me Guilty” (2005), and found box office success with the Disney comedy “The Pacifier” (2005), but audiences were generally reluctant to accept him in anything but sequels to his breakout action films. The super-hype that surrounded the actor’s instant stardom quickly gave way to borderline has-been status, with the Diesel’s steadiest success coming in the form of seemingly endless revivals of his two best-known characters.

Born Mark Sinclair Vincent in New York City, NY on July 18, 1967, Vin Diesel began acting with the Theatre for the New City at the age of seven. After studying English at Hunter College, he began penning screenplays and making films. His short "Multi-Facial" debuted at the 1995 Cannes Film Festival and his first full-length feature, "Strays" (1997) premiered in competition at the Sundance Film Festival. Written, co-produced, directed and starring Diesel, "Strays" was an ensemble drama about male friendships that many compared – sometimes unfavorably – with "Saturday Night Fever" (1977) and "Diner" (1982).

Diesel gave another strong performance in the ensemble of the Wall Street-centered thriller "Boiler Room" (2000), but his true breakout came with his starring role as hard-driving car thief and street gang racer Dominic Toretto in the surprise summer blockbuster, "The Fast and the Furious" (2001), in which The New York Times critic Elvis Mitchell characterized Diesel as a "slacker Robert Mitchum, if that's not redundant." Diesel became an overnight sensation that summer, with the relative unknown fueling curiosity about himself by evading questions about his sexuality and his ethnic background, revealing only that he was part Italian and considered himself “a person of color.”

Appearing in only a brief cameo in the 2005 sequel “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift,” Diesel tried to explore new territory with the sci-fi thriller “Babylon A.D.” (2008), adapted from the novel Babylon Babies by Maurice Georges Dantec. Diesel received a critical drubbing for the second-rate offering and retreated to a surefire hit territory by finally reprising his role in the fourth sequel “Fast & Furious” (2009), which reunited the cast of the original film. Unsurprisingly, the film broke box office records and reinvigorated Vin Diesel’s reputation as an action star. Meanwhile his distinctive voice continued to be one of his most valuable assets, and he lent it to the animated film “Rockfish” (2009) and video games “The Wheelmen” and “Chronicles of Riddick.”

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Lymelife (R) -Movies

Two families fall apart when precarious relationships, real estate problems and Lyme disease converge in suburban Long Island in the late 70s.

Russell Crowe

Blonde in a Barber Shop

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.
She hears: “Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."

premiere of hannah montana movie

Flight Attendant

An airline captain(Mr Bean) was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Cheating Wife -Jokes

Robert Pattinson-Millions Of Teenaged Girls Around The Globe

In the tried and true nature of all movie magic moments, it only took one film to turn Robert Pattinson from featured player to the idol of millions of teenaged girls around the globe. The British actor, who prior to 2008 was best known as the doomed Cedric Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” (2005), was cast as Edward Cullen, the romantic vampire hero of “Twilight” (2008).

Full Biography
In the tried and true nature of all movie magic moments, it only took one film to turn Robert Pattinson from featured player to the idol of millions of teenaged girls around the globe. The British actor, who prior to 2008 was best known as the doomed Cedric Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” (2005), was cast as Edward Cullen, the romantic vampire hero of “Twilight” (2008). The news of the casting sent shockwaves through the young adult community that worshiped the novels by Stephanie Meyer on which the film was based, and who quickly elevated Pattinson to favored pin-up status. The buzz around Pattinson seemed to solidify what the British press had ordained him in 2005 – a “Star of Tomorrow.”
Born Robert Thomas-Pattinson on May 13, 1986 in London, England, he was raised in the suburb of Barnes by his parents, Clare and Robert Pattinson. Acting captured his fancy at an early age and soon supplanted schoolwork as his sole focus. As a teenager, he joined the prestigious Barnes Theatre Club, which gave him an education in classic drama. A casting agent saw him in a production of “Tess of the D’urbervilles” and encouraged him to pursue performing as a career. He made his screen debut in 2004 in a German TV production of the epic fantasy “Ring of the Nibelungs,” which aired in the United States as “Dark Kingdom: The Dragon King” in 2006. Pattinson also landed a minor role as a younger version of James Purefoy’s character in Mira Nair’s adaptation of “Vanity Fair” (2004), but his scenes were left on the cutting room floor.

Immediately after returning from the South African set of “Nibelungs,” he was awarded the role of Cedric Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” for director Mike Newell. Diggory, the hero of rival wizard school Hufflepuff, was Harry’s opponent on both the Quidditch field and in romance, as he trumped Harry’s two wins at the TriWizard Tournament by squiring the young hero’s beloved, Cho Chang, to the Yule Ball. Diggory’s moment in the sun was short-lived, as both he and Harry faced down the sinister Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). The villain’s henchman, Peter Pettigrew, dispatched Diggory, who was mourned by the entire school. The press, in its raves over Newell’s film adaptation, singled out Pattinson for his charismatic performance, and some went as far as to name him a “future Jude Law.” The Times Online also bestowed the “Star of Tomorrow” award upon him.

Pattinson’s sudden popularity afforded him some choice roles post-“Potter.” He was top-billed as a shell-shocked World War II airman in the supernatural thriller “The Haunted Airman” for BBC Four, and later played a nerdy student with a crush on his teacher (Catherine Tate) in the highly rated drama, “The Bad Mother’s Handbook” (2007) for ITV. That same year, he returned briefly to the wizard world with a flashback cameo as Diggory in “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”

Profession(s):
Actor, model

Sometimes Credited As:
Robert Thomas-Pattinson

Family
sister:Lizzy Pattinson
sister:Victoria Pattinson

Education
Barnes Theatre Company London, England

Txtra Celebs Gossip Hare-comic relief s celebrity climbers begin ascent

Cheating Wife

The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car.

"Are you sure this is your house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.

"Shertainly!" said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya."

The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor.

The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.

"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee the bed there? Thast mine! Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An' see that guy lying next to her?

"Yeah?" the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man's story.

"Well, thash me!"

blond Jokes